tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35654353011678729562024-03-20T07:05:20.683-05:00Jaclyn Doesn't CookAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08340216037512799650noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565435301167872956.post-82778057675178954762014-07-27T10:18:00.001-05:002014-07-27T10:19:56.725-05:00Guys, Meet BrookeI had Frosted Flakes and chocolate pudding for breakfast today, so I'm off to a good start! Right? I also had this amazing conversation with my best friend Brooke which illustrates clearly why she's my best friend:<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Jaclyn: I know you don't mean me :P
<br />
<br />
Brooke: Ew vagina
<br />
<br />
Brooke: I mean, I am sure your vagina is amazing.
<br />
<br />
Brooke: But not for me.
<br />
<br />
Jaclyn: lol
<br />
<br />
Brooke: Not my taste. xD
<br />
<br />
Jaclyn: My vagina is a temple.
<br />
<br />
Brooke: Should I stand beside it and do singing/chanting things?
<br />
<br />
Brooke: And freak Wes the fuck out?
<br />
<br />
Jaclyn: Yes. And it needs sacrifices at the altar.
<br />
<br />
Brooke: YAY! I FINALLY HAVE A LEGIT REASON TO KILL HIM
<br />
<br />
Jaclyn: XD
</blockquote>
The two of them have a love-hate relationship.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08340216037512799650noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565435301167872956.post-62208558260971356382014-07-25T23:28:00.000-05:002014-07-25T23:58:11.464-05:00Italian Mac 'n Cheese<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilyCOChN3_xzc0WOfmLUoapbbFRmQjv8ORyjN6ZlsYunjnfxa1YU8MWWWCEXgj2HWYY1uyInSjhW1YmYAuiOTr2CfjApnrx44xLYvsfW1hpilR2w0Ayn58a2YHGxGFdeFomTWcEamKZmW3/s1600/DSC_2450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilyCOChN3_xzc0WOfmLUoapbbFRmQjv8ORyjN6ZlsYunjnfxa1YU8MWWWCEXgj2HWYY1uyInSjhW1YmYAuiOTr2CfjApnrx44xLYvsfW1hpilR2w0Ayn58a2YHGxGFdeFomTWcEamKZmW3/s1600/DSC_2450.jpg" height="420" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Oh, I'm sure this has a real name. Thing is, neither my mom nor myself knows it. We have always called this Italian Mac 'n Cheese or else "sausage spaghetti," I guess because she once dated an Italian guy and this was a side at all their meals and she forgot what they called it. My two-year-old calls it mac 'n cheese, too, because anything with red sauce is spaghetti and anything else is mac 'n cheese, though sometimes this one confuses her and it still gets called "gai-yee."<br />
<br />
Call it what you will. This stuff is awesome and exactly how I wanted to kick off my cooking adventure. It's not anything new to me so I knew what I was doing to an extent. It's somewhat time-consuming, but not complicated. It would be a good start. Ignore that I'm basically shit at food photography, please. And that I didn't have my fonts downloaded because this computer is relatively new and also I'm lazy. You're not here for the pictures, right? You're here because of my winning personality.<br />
<br />
Right?<br />
<br />
Guys?<br />
<br />
Screw it. Here's the recipe.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<b>INGREDIENTS:</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Spaghetti. Lots of it. I don't measure.</li>
<li>Olive oil.</li>
<li>Dry grated parmesan cheese. Just the powdered stuff you buy at the store ready to sprinkle on top of things. Nothing fancy. You actually need it to be this way to properly melt with the noodles. You'll probably want to get a regular sized canister at least if you're just feeding a family of four to six. We used most of one because there's no such thing as too much cheese, duh.</li>
<li>Italian sausages, bratwurst, etc. I like Italians. My dad can't eat them, so we make him bratwursts, too. Make whatever is your favorite.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<b>DIRECTIONS:</b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghZ51GtedNLlxd5hL8fxYZQhQCpEg6USRCCECCQ5h99jqwkwmV5rJUW2Ktdnokk0C-uX83GoBBAYh-GUn-gw20i0StMV_5CGAi74oo81NphfCrtgtXRQ78E-1Q7hBThaF9zJgfSswdNgKE/s1600/DSC_2446.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghZ51GtedNLlxd5hL8fxYZQhQCpEg6USRCCECCQ5h99jqwkwmV5rJUW2Ktdnokk0C-uX83GoBBAYh-GUn-gw20i0StMV_5CGAi74oo81NphfCrtgtXRQ78E-1Q7hBThaF9zJgfSswdNgKE/s1600/DSC_2446.jpg" height="211" width="320" /></a></div>
First thing's first. Get out the sausages and begin to fry them. Keep a close eye on them so they don't burn. I recommend covering them so the heat is more evenly distributed. Flip them routinely to cook them evenly. We're not going for super done, here. The goal is to get it so they can be cut without falling apart.<br />
<br />
It does take a while, though.<br />
<br />
If you're smart, you'll probably start boiling the water for your noodles soon. It took us thirty minutes to get the water to boil and we were stupid and waited until the sausages were essentially done. Also, don't waste five minutes looking for tongs to rotate the sausages while they're sitting in the pan with the heat on.<br />
<br />
Not like I did that or anything. I was totally prepared.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbQ5qeuqWFRk-w4n_EtSO4KmTgpcGrxcRPSVQzy2yHuGj7DvjgfwdLtC1s0rtf2oKnAZDEATxpCSHFQkzOs14POz6MrHpDtyvKPVd7jI6a27XsR7fcXuGQ44h_DZb_GaCSup26AEGfh4g3/s1600/DSC_2447.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbQ5qeuqWFRk-w4n_EtSO4KmTgpcGrxcRPSVQzy2yHuGj7DvjgfwdLtC1s0rtf2oKnAZDEATxpCSHFQkzOs14POz6MrHpDtyvKPVd7jI6a27XsR7fcXuGQ44h_DZb_GaCSup26AEGfh4g3/s1600/DSC_2447.jpg" height="210" width="320" /></a>Get them looking pretty and even and get them nice and firm. No one likes soft sausages. *wink, wink* *nudge, nudge* And other innuendos.<br />
<br />
<span style="text-align: center;">Mmm... Look at those firm, steamy sausages... </span>Slice them up into even cylinders so they can cook the rest of the way through. While they're frying, make sure to give them a stir now and then to keep them from burning.<br />
<br />
Once you've got the noodles boiled according to the box, drain them and put them in a big bowl. Drizzle olive oil over them and toss until they are well-coated. A little goes a long way. When you're satisfied with your oil level, add the parmesan, bit by bit as you toss it in. You don't want to add oil after starting the parmesan. It will gross up the cheese. ("Gross up" being the technical term, of course.)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzphzoPAJ57PwXKzJoL0TToGon_5n1EwSTU50ovyzFJ640cYm8s4Ji0m3mq2Kid0J-UhfUj8Db3bS0RHy4GTdkeKUyPzKzKNSv0mepBQbGAuMZXwPz7_K8AR8vJLYMlXT_2WCJYtvZUfkn/s1600/DSC_2450orig.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzphzoPAJ57PwXKzJoL0TToGon_5n1EwSTU50ovyzFJ640cYm8s4Ji0m3mq2Kid0J-UhfUj8Db3bS0RHy4GTdkeKUyPzKzKNSv0mepBQbGAuMZXwPz7_K8AR8vJLYMlXT_2WCJYtvZUfkn/s1600/DSC_2450orig.png" height="211" width="320" /></a></div>
And voila! I recommend stirring in the sausages with some of its grease for delicious flavor, but if you don't want to (or, like in our case, can't because of my dad), it's still delicious when you just top it with a scoop or two of sausages. Drizzle some of the grease over it for more flavor. Sprinkle more cheese on top if you'd like and enjoy!<br />
<br />
This is super amazing and delicious and guys, you need to try it. Like right now.<br />
<br />
Oh, and because I know there's some curiosity, yes, I nearly started a fire. I stirred the sausage too aggressively and two pieces jumped out and tried to catch the fire boiling the water for the noodles. No one was watching, thankfully. And nothing burned down and no one died.<br />
<br />
Yet.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08340216037512799650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3565435301167872956.post-21748422071566008642014-07-23T00:14:00.000-05:002014-07-25T21:14:34.470-05:00YetI decided yesterday I would learn to cook. I would learn to cook because I have a wonderful boyfriend whose only* real claim to fame is that he can grill and make omelets and I want to live off more than ribs and omelets even though I love both of those things.<br />
<br />
By the way, is it omelets or omelettes? Because Blogger is not red-lining either. I could look it up, but, you know, effort.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I've never been one for cooking, but oh <i>Lord</i> do I love to bake. I'm not some fancy-pants cake decorator or anything like that, but <i>cookies</i>, guys. (Do not mistake the "fancy-pants" for disdain. I'll admit to jealousy and having several pins on my <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/andsunshine/" target="_blank">Pinterest</a> of pretty cakes and the like.) I can bake some good cookies. Back in April, my Pinterest feed was all a-buzz over making chocolate chip cookies with hard-boiled eggs. After trying them, I've become so accustomed to the idea that that sounds less like "ewwww" and more like "oh yeah, that was amazing..." with a doofy smile. I know how it sounds, though, because that face you're likely making is exactly the same face I made and the same exact face my mother still makes even though she <i>tasted</i> them. However, they were amazing, and they apparently never go stale and start getting harder because I had some for at least a week and they were the exact same. They stay soft and chewy and fabulous.<br />
<br />
Cooking doesn't excite me nearly as much, and you might think it would seeing as how they're supposedly, you know, the same thing. You can't even attribute it to the fact that sweets are good and food is boring. I don't make boring food, I make food I will like, plain and simple. Whether that's the chicken recipe my mom found online and decided we should try (<i>incredible</i>) or a Tombstone frozen pizza, I am happy about food. But after years of grumping when my mom dumped "finishing up dinner" on me while she went out in the backyard or something (in retrospect, it wasn't that bad, but I hated it as a teenager), I've grown to truly detest the idea.<br />
<br />
I had once come to terms with the fact that I would never like cooking. I would find a chef for a husband (who also happened to be rich -- trust fund, maybe? -- but still down-to-earth and as dorky as me) who would let me hire a maid and cook gourmet meals that my picky self actually enjoyed. That didn't work out, though. My first hubby-potential enjoyed cooking and was actually quite creative and inventive. Sadly, there were a few less-than-fun reasons we didn't work out. Oh well. Water. Bridge. Under it. My second hubby-potential didn't know what a fried egg sandwich was or how it worked, made boxed mac-n-cheese <i>wrong</i>, and had to be taught to make <i>Ramen</i>. He had never made Ramen, guys. And he also couldn't eat <i>anything</i> without hot sauce. Including my mother's awesome spaghetti. That's not why we didn't work out, but it didn't <i>help</i>.<br />
<br />
I've decided that even though my boyfriend claims to be a good cook (he hasn't proved it yet), I'm going to make myself learn how. I'm going to teach myself to cook and hopefully teach myself to enjoy it in the process. How will I enjoy it? By blogging about it. Aren't you lucky? In between the scattered recipes and cooking attempts, you will get to hear about my life, my <a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/t1.0-9/10527280_10203653855243494_6410873514733421069_n.jpg" target="_blank">little girl</a>, and all the crazy shenanigans that ensue around us.<br />
<br />
So, hello. I'm Jaclyn, I'm twenty-four, and I don't cook.<br />
<br />
Yet.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>* I have to add that my boyfriend has plenty of other claim to fames because he read this and asserted that he does. But many of them really shouldn't be discussed until at least blog post number three. You know, so we can get to know each other first. Wink, wink.</i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08340216037512799650noreply@blogger.com2